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Sex is a Form of Communication
Corporeal pleasure tells us so much about ourselves and our partner. Originally published on Medium.
7/16/20263 min read
Remember the first time you experienced the glittering sensation that coincides with primal attraction? The desperate craving to be consumed with the sensations of closeness with another body and mind is a life-altering exchange. There’s nothing quite like the corporeal amalgamation and intimacy that is uniquely reached through sexual intercourse.
Sex is the reason we’re here. It’s a deed as old as time. Two people got horny, took it out on each other, and yielded a gorgeous result: You! Or, someone fantasized about sex and orgasmed into a cup that was utilized in medical intervention resulting in your creation. Beyond procreation, a good tumble in the sack floods the body with a cocktail of feel-good, stress-relieving hormones that keep us healthy and happy. There are few things more pleasurable than engaging in same-sex intercourse. Having sex is one of the best things we’ve ever done with our bodies as a species.
No Shame in Our Sex Game
I recently received a DM from a sweet X (formerly known as Twitter) mutual who is struggling to step into the acceptance of their sexual self and confidence after overriding deep, religious shame connected to all things intercourse and fornication. They’re also worried about the labels tacked onto promiscuous people — slut, manwhore, etc. They asked for guidance that may help them step into their highest, most unabashed sexual self without worrying about being labeled.
Luckily, expressing sex positivity is my thing.
Given that my current work in progress is a novel featuring a heroine whose sexual liberation unlocks her healing after years of somatic trauma, I was thrilled to receive their question. Like my protagonist, I, too, have experienced healing through intimacy. Sex has the power to unlock our inner heroine.
For this and a plethora of other reasons, shame has no place in our current narrative surrounding sex and sexuality, even though they have long been used as bludgeons to control the masses and shame women. Enough is enough.
Sex is Healing
You read that right, Babes. Sexual Healing isn’t just a song by Marvin Gaye. A deep, sexual connection has the power to transform our lives holistically. Sex is the hot sauce that adds flavor to life. Engaging in coitus is one of the healthiest things we can enjoy with another consenting adult.
As Sara_Mednick reminds us, having more sex has the power to save our lives. Having regular sex also increases neurogenesis; as if I needed another excuse to get my love into bed. Whether we’re making love or fucking, the benefits of enjoying our bodies with one another expand beyond giving into a biological drive.
Getting it on allows us to understand another human being on a different level that’s separate from any other form of communication. We glean so much unspoken information from sexual intimacy, and incredible sex can only be reached through a certain level of vulnerability.
Sex is a way for us to express ourselves when we don’t have the words.
When Bodies Talk
Communication through coitus expresses so much more than words could ever say. Bodies communicate loudly. Have you ever watched the skin’s response to the gentle touch of a fingertip? Did you notice the softening of their eyes after you kissed them on the forehead? The most subtle stimulus can elicit a powerful physical response.
My body speaks loudly to my husband, and I’m not referring to the sounds inspired by bean burritos or queefing. Sex has become a took for us to become more in tune with each other; I can’t help but think that it’s why he’s gotten so good at reading me. He goes beyond being able to tell when I’m in discomfort or pain especially when I try to hide it from the rest of the world. Some of us are more corporeally expressive than others, and sex basically makes us transparent.
There’s No Such Thing as a Slut
I will never understand the condemnation surrounding promiscuity. It’s absolutely no one else’s business how many sex partners a person has had. As long as no one is sexing your monogamous husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, wife, or friend with benefits, whomever and however many people someone sleeps with remains their own business.
Recently, my husband said something incredibly touching and sexy. I was reminiscing about the promiscuity I enjoyed in my 20s and I described myself as “sexually free and relationally avoidant,” and his response blew me away: “You weren’t avoiding; you were hiding. You were hiding to protect yourself from getting hurt and I came along and made you feel safe enough to love me back.” By golly, he was right!
Who did I marry!?
Whether you’re nervous about allowing yourself to become vulnerable enough for intimacy or you’ve enjoyed the benefits of regular copulation, remember that sex is what we make of it and that it can be such a beautiful and empowering opportunity for pleasure and connection.
You're worthy of pleasure.
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